it’s not easy being pseudo intellectual. it’s not easy being pseudo british either. every morning for the past three months , i have been waking up to liam gallagher hurling abuses at fans in wembley stadium. great advances in cellular technology at the sony ericsson labs afford me the luxury of waking up to his voice as my alarm signal.
i never understand why exactly i chose this rather rude monologue to shake me up from long periods of hebetude. it is ,im convinced , intricately intertwined with the reason i watch bbc instead of cnn and say ‘arse’ instead of ‘ass’. i grew up to my mother humming along to songs sung by the beatles and my father watching ‘yes, minister!’. so i’d like to think that subliminally i have been programmed to spell programmed as p-r-o-g-r-a-m-m-e-d and subliminally programmed to have a low tolerance for it being spelt anyhow else. although in all my idiocy , i must admit that the americans also do spell programme in the past tense as programmed. but you get the point and now all my attempts at being witty and satirical have been screwed over.
never mind.
i rather enjoy my long bouts of do-nothingness. so it vexes me when i hear that only-too-familiar voice that sends sound waves through my auditory nerve to my brain and forces it out of inertia. i wake up extremely sulky and walk into the hall on my way to the bathroom. enroute i grunt 'coffee' to nobody in particular , and its amazing how it always is ready before i sit on the sofa to read the funnies. i’m not too sure , but i do think my dear mother has something to do with it.
the bathroom is my sanctuary. it is where most people to do the mundane things that society requires them to do before they step out to face the world.
but me , i truly awaken when i am in the shower. i enjoy every minute of it, squeezing larger-than-necessary amounts of nice smelling viscous liquids on the loofah and on my hair. my favourite fifteen minutes of the day. i feel a great sense of exhilaration that my skin is now glowing and hair is now in all its élan thanks to the extracts of ylang ylang, aloe, jojoba, echinacea ; sunflower seed oil , swiss botanicals, hydrolysed silk protein , mint leaves , beeswax and rabbit’s foot.
when im done with my shower , my mother says i leave the bathroom like a tsunami hit it. that’s been happening only since December 26th 2004. before that, it was a tornado.
alsooooo my baby sister has started blog ! everyone must go see. chicken foot - thats her there.
.dee out
p.s for no apparent reason , but for the fact that she will be leaving cks tomorrow, this post goes out to my sweetie aunty jade lotus. thank you for all the ‘zen’ .
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