I wake up in the morning and it's usually hard to get out of bed. How long will that feeling last? I don't know.
Ryan says it will last till the day you dont walk around with your head down but look up at the sky, watch the clouds and smile.
Some days are harder than others. I wake up, I gently place Momo's head on the pillow. It usually is resting on my stomach, my chest or my face. He wakes up anyway and meows gently. Sometimes it solicits a smile, othertimes, I just get out of bed and get ready for the day.
I do the things people usually do before they get to work. The house is empty. Mom's away to teach and my sister's away at school. My cat keeps me company, him trotting along with his little paws to keep up with my hurried morning routine.
I leave him in the house alone with a few words of advice - behave till amma comes, eat some cat food, dont break anything - I love you, moe.. And I'm out the door.
I sit in the bus, I watch traffic. I keep glancing at my phone and think, he would have called by now to tell me that he just woke up. Silly boy. Always late to work. Sometimes the thought makes me smile. Othertimes, the thought lingers long enough to remind me that he will probably never do that again and I stop staring at the phone and continue to watch traffic.
I'm talking and laughing with my colleagues. I'm eating the lunch my mother packed me, at the cafeteria. I'm having conversations with the occasional friend who calls. I'm drinking hot chocolate from the vending machine at work.
Through it all, I wonder what he's doing. Is he at work? Is he home for lunch? Is he at an event somewhere? Is he eating and sleeping on time?
Its only natural - all my friends say. They message me, email me, call me, go out to dinner and drinks with me - keep that chin up, you'll be alright. I'm listening to them. I am.
One Sunday after I woke up, I went to the kitchen and hugged my mother. All I did was cry. I didn't say one word, I only cried. She held me. She didn't ask any questions. Only told me that it was for the best. We were two good people who weren't good for each other and in time, we will both realise it. In time.
She lost the man she loved and lived with for twenty five years. Till date, I have never seen her break down in front of my sister or me. I have a feeling I still have a lot to learn from my mother.
I lie in bed at the end of the day. I never sleep without thinking about him and wishing him goodnight in my head. I know that he will never again call to tell me he is still at work. I will never complain that he works too hard, that he should have eaten dinner by now, that he should be home and in bed, because it's already past eleven.
I will never get to tell him that I missed him the whole day and that even if he gets home by 2am, to call me before he goes to bed.
These days, before sleeping, my phone is switched to silent mode.
He still calls sometimes. I do too. Conversation is cordial. We try hard to talk about things that are inane. Invariably, 'us' creeps in. I ask him if he's started seeing someone already. He chuckles and asks me if I'm crazy. I tell him I won't see anyone for the longest time to come. It's hard getting over you. I still think about you. I miss you sometimes. I can't imagine being with someone else so soon. I love you. Hey, me too ... I love you too.
Then one of us stops. Silence lingers, the conversation fades away. We say our goodbyes.
I write this post today, because this morning, when I was in the bus to work, I looked at the sky. I thought of what Ryan said, I looked at the clouds and I smiled. I kept that chin up. I'll be alright.
I still will have to remind myself often to feel the pain but not act on it. I will still miss him for a long time to come. I will still wonder whom he's talking to and how long it will take for another girl to take my place. Will she be prettier than me? Maybe have longer hair. I'm sure she'll be funny. He likes girls with a good sense of humour. WIll she take care of him. He needs to be reminded to eat and sleep on time.
One day, I will see him with another girl and be happy for him. I should remind myself to tell Ryan that THAT will be the day. That will be the day that I am truly over him.
Anyway, maybe tomorrow morning, when Moe looks at me and meows, after a yawn and a good stretch, I'll kiss him on his little button nose and tell him that I love him. I should. Because I do.
.jpg)
Garuda was born an eagle, as the son of the rishi Kashyapa and his wife Vinutha. Kashyapa was married to both Vinutha and her sister, Kadru.
Before leaving to the forest to spend the rest of his life in meditation, Kashyapa granted both sisters one wish each. Kadru asked for a thousand children of equal splendour in haste and a thousand snakes are born to her.
Vinutha, also in haste, to out do her sister, asked for 2 children who are both more beautiful and stronger than all of Kadru’s 1000 children.
Sceptical of Vinutha’s wish, Kashyapa said ‘ you will have one and half’. With this, he left with his stick and never returned again.
These were the first words Garuda heard from his mother. He listened to her in rapt attention, having many questions, but waiting patiently before asking.
By his mother’s side, he noticed his aunt Kadru, as beautiful and stunning as her sister, but with only one eye and a thousand snakes slithering over her beautiful body.
Vinutha had waited long for Garuda’s birth. She was cursed by her first son Aruna whose egg she hatched too soon, in anticipation of her first child. She then understood why the rishi said she would only have one and a half children - Aruna was born deformed.
In his wrath over his condition, he curses his mother that she would be her sister’s slave for 500 years and only after 500 years will her next egg hatch.
Aruna then, with his deformed body took to the skies to became Surya’s charioteer. He never spoke to his mother again.
Everytime Vinutha watched the sun rise, she is reminded of her mistake and learns that impatience is the only sin.
Chapter 2:
Vinutha and Kadru were the only human beings on earth, other than Kadru’s children who were all born snakes.
One day by the ocean, both sisters noticed a bright light at the horizon which grew in size to form the outline of a horse. The horse was so bright and distinct that the world at the time comprised only of the horse, the skies and the seas.
The horse then raised its hoofs over the water and the skies and was suspended in this most elegant form.
The horse was Uccaihashravas, the creature that was born when the ocean was churned. The white horse was one of then gems (ratnas) that came about by the the churning of the ocean.
Chapter 3:
In the beginning of time, the Gods and the Asura’s (antigods) roamed the earth with no purpose. The Gods meditated, sharpened their senses - but still found no purpose for their existence. They prayed to Vishnu for an answer who then whispered to Brahma who explained that the answer would come when the ocean was churned and the milk of the ocean (soma) floated up.
But this daunting task had to be done with the help of the Asuras. At first the Gods rebelled against this. Finally, though, since the Devas had nothing to lose, given the fultility of their lives, they agreed.
They thought : we will do anything so far as there be a trial, a risk and a task.
Chapter 4:
It was this soma that Garuda was required to bring for his mother as ransom to release her from the servitude she owed her sister and her serpent nephews and nieces.
Finally Garuda spoke: Mother, he asked, how is it that you became slave to your sister.
It happened as both sisters bet on the colour of the horse. With her sharp eyes, and heightened senses, Vinutha perceived that the horse was sheer white. When the sister’s reached the horse after flying over the ocean to the horizon, Kadru showed her sister, one black hair on the ontherwise untainted horse.
Vinutha suspected this was one of Kadru’s snake children who took the form of a black hair.
Vinutha could not prove this, and hence was forced to accept defeat.
Garuda’s mission hence was to find the soma and release his mother. Famished, his mother asked him to find some Nishada’s to eat (nishadas are children born of a brahmin and the daughter of a shudra). Eat only Nishada’s but not Brahmans. They are poison, if they curse you, you will be doomed, she warned her son.
Garuda then lifted his massive wings and flew to find the nishada’s. He gulped them down to his fill. After this he felt a need to speak to his father, and again, taking flight, he caused hurricanes in his path due to his mighty strenght and flew to find his father.
Chapter 5:
Kashyapa was anticipating his son’s arrival. As soon as Garuda found Kashyapa meditating, he understood why his mother warned him about the Brahmins - only they knew the vedas and they fed themselves by feeding ON themselves.
Kashyapa said nothing to his son, but to find the elephant and the turtle that lived in the great lake and quarelled perpetually. Kashyapa ordered his son to carry these two gigantic beasts and to eat them on the branches of the Rauhina tree.
Be careful not to offend the Vaalakhilyas : he was warned.
Chapter 6:
Garuda found the beasts and took them to the Rauhina tree. In his haste, he broke of the branches of the tree and then realised his folly. The Vaalakhiyas were brahmans the size of a thumb that meditated on the branches of the Rauhina tree.
The Vaalakhilyas were terribly upset, for their fragile, translucent bodies were not accustomed to being disturbed.
‘I did not vex you on purpose, great Vaalakhilyas,’ apologised Garuda. I will take this branch and i will land you some place safe. This I promise you.’
And so with the elephant, the turtle in his claws and the branch in this beak, Garuda set out to safely land the Vaalakhiya’s whom he disturbed from their sacred meditation. But in vain. He roamed the earth but did not find the perfect place to land them.
Chapter 7:
Then by the Gandhamaadana, east of the Himalaayas, Garuda found his father. HIs father spoke directly to the Vaalakhiyas to whom he said : Garuda is my son and a great bird. Please take leave of him, if you think well of me. With this, the Vaalakhiyas alighted the branch and dispersed between the long blades of grass heading toward the Himalaayas.
Why father, did they obey you, questioned Garuda.
He then learnt the story of Indira, the King of the Devas, whom in his arrogance, laughed at the small Vaalakhiyas who were trying to get to the other side of a water puddle on a blade of grass. He found it amusing, their struggles and pushed them back into the water with his heel.
The following day, the Vaalakhiyas visited the great rishi Kashyapa and offered him their tapas. This tapas contained the cosmic heat and the heat within their minds. They offered Kashyapa this heat to pass into his seed to produce another Indira, who would be the Indira of the birds. For only this creature would be able to be the scourge of the Indira who mocked them in their helplessness.
That night, when Kashyapa made love to his wife Vinutha, he passed on this tapas to her womb. And as she felt the passion of his love in each of her pores, she also felt his energy draining into her very soul.
And hence Garuda was born - to be an Indira of the Birds.
